Pen Green Centre for children and their families

I stopped going to the gym first, when my midwife said I maybe shouldn’t go due to Covid, I then went on maternity leave, and stopped seeing family. It all happened in one go. My other half is a football coach, and at that point he was still working – so his life then was still carrying on, but mine wasn’t. The gym was really important for me and part of my mental health. I felt a little resentful – but the week after that everyone went into lockdown, so that changed very quickly. I started to do the gym in the garden, my other half wasn’t working – it changed so fast really.

I had my son in the hospital. Just as the country went into the lockdown. My other half was allowed in the hospital when I gave birth, but two hours later they’d changed the rules and he had to leave – so then I wasn’t allowed to see him until I was discharged. So that was really strange, I had to pass urine to go home… so I drank a lot of water! The hospital staff didn’t have PPE when I gave birth but the next day they did. They’d gone from looking like normal people to being in full on PPE. It lost that mothering side of midwifery, it was like they were separate from us. It was the worry of Covid spreading, the nurturing side was taken over by the worry of Covid. Before we left the hospital they tried to do as many tests as possible in the day – so I didn’t have to return for anything. I’d wanted to go to a cottage hospital afterwards, but my partner wasn’t allowed to come with me. And I didn’t want to go without him, at the time I was really thinking – can I be a parent – can I have a child –  I don’t know what I’m doing. But I didn’t want to go without him, I didn’t see the point if we weren’t together. But going there together felt like a comfort blanket, if I had gone alone my partner would have missed out. So I didn’t go. They were great, it was a good birth, but Covid took away that personal touch and the extra support. Afterward we only had one visit from the midwife, and one visit from the Health visitor, the rest were on the phone. This took away the physical support; I could ring them if I needed to. But when they come in the house in all their PPE – I bet the neighbours thought we had it! I don’t feel like I’d missed out, but this was my first baby so don’t know what it could have been like.

I guess I took it for granted seeing people face to face, and just visiting or going round for coffee – you can text and call but it’s not the same and seeing people and hugging people. I miss that, hugging people; hugging my Dad. There’s always been germs – but you don’t really think about catching things form other people –  I never gave it a second thought. I never thought that we’d end up not seeing people. The only other person that has held my son is my mum. We visited his other grandmother, but because she works in a care home we visit carefully and stay in the garden, she’s not held him. She only lives just round the corner.  My dad has seen him but from a distance and with a mask on. Other than that I haven’t seen anyone. But about two weeks in I really needed a mum hug, I need it so much, that one-minute hug outside in the front garden, was so needed. Not having hugs with my dad has been hard.

We’re just getting back on track. I don’t really have friends with children the same age but I’ve joined a mum group on line, and it’s been good I’ve met some friends on that, we were planning on seeing them. They’re in lockdown again now so it might be a little while – but I met a lady at the doctors, and we’ve been chatting. Another lady on facebook has started a group for local mums who can meet for a social distance walk – if that’s allowed. I have missed talking to other mums.  I’m getting more of that now, it’s helpful to know what’s normal for little ones and what isn’t. A while ago I saw a post on social media about someone whose baby was ‘enjoying a book’ at a few weeks old, I got swept into that! Worried that he didn’t like books at 12 weeks! But I feel like I’m coming out of that now. I’m remembering that all babies and children are different. 

We’re not in lockdown right now, but that might change as we’re close to the Leicester lockdown area. My partner is not working again due to that. So his work is on hold for now. It was lovely having him here – then he was away – now he’s back again. I got used to him not being here! It’s funny having him back again, but it’s okay.

My partner being home has been good. I’ve been fortunate with that. I’ve had a good experience with having a baby in lockdown. I think I’m lucky that I have had a support network around me. But if I didn’t have support it could have been different, it could have crushed you as a mother. Unless there’s been an emergency there has been no medical support or health visitor support – previously they could have come and visited and seen me. My mum used to be a midwife, so she was such a good support – if I didn’t have her it could have gone the other way. I’ve been very lucky.