Pen Green Centre for children and their families

I have been doing all the supervision training for Family Action since 2003. Over the years they have grown, and they now cover the whole of England, I love working with them because it keeps me in touch with all kinds of family support from prenatal to post adoptions, anything to do with families. This is because they are all around the country and they are so deserve. They are a very good organisation, I also help with policy and training. While I was doing this I was traveling a lot. The training was originally for supervisors only, then it was adjusted to bring more rigour into the organisation. All staff were required to attend the training, and I would demist all the processes of supervision for them. Staff got really good look at how they can’t be supported appropriately unless they can be open with their supervisors. So the training became broken down into two days, one for the supervisee and one for the supervisor. This change happened some years ago. But of course the biggest problem for me has been the travel.

I was traveling about quite a lot in the Autumn I was all over the place, and I became quite ill. I was ill twice during that time.  I think now that it might have been the virus – the second time it was shocking. I was already feeling touchy about doing so much, but I worked through that time. The second time I only had one thing for work, but now I think it crazy how much I was doing. I was really conscious about being ill, and I was aware I might been spreading whatever I had. I was on buses and trains, I was traveling so much. I don’t run a car anymore – I really do believe in that. I’m 75 now so I do get tried and I was feeling worn out! But I do so much, I train for the Adlerian Society, and other psychotherapy training and I do some stand up lecturing. If I go to Bradford its five and half hours minimum of travel.

At the start of lockdown there was an awful lot being offered with on-line theatre and such. But there have been so many things to do. One of the things was to not go over the top with talking to friends. It felt like I needed a moment. Initially some people were, very sweetly were concerned about me, and that was very nice – but then I was saying “no I’m okay – thank you but I’m fine”. I celebrated my 75^th birthday in lockdown. The weather has been beautiful.  But what a disconnect between this absolutely stunning weather and this global crisis. Beautiful blue skies, day after day. I gardened up a storm. And because of my neighbourhood we had drinks. My neighbours just next door have some really comfortable sofas in their garden and when I visit I have one to myself. My specialism is frozen margaritas and we brought our own glasses, or wine. We did that every couple of weeks. Then for my birthday the government said you can meet one other person outside of your house.  A friend of mine from town invited me for a little picnic in the park, she made savoury scones, and a cake and strawberry’s, it was such a nice treat! My neighbours next door had me for coffee and cake in the morning. My son came for the day, and we spend the whole day in the garden, I cooked I loved to cook. When he asked what I wanted I said some bark for the bottom of the garden – because he can carry it down in to the back of the garden – that was the real gift. He is an artist, he brought me the most beautiful painting, he can do any kind of art, and I thought this painting was the most beautiful piece of art, I just loved that. Another friend had me for dinner, it was her birthday too and so this was lovely. Just being with good friends and doing the things we would have done before, but slightly different – often a lunch together before would have been going out. But that’s okay. I got flowers form Pen Green and two further bouquets, I felt very loved and very moved by it all. It was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.

I have been a widow for four years, and living on my own, and I am aware that my own way of dealing with sadness or any strong emotion is to be busy which is the temptation for just taking work and avoiding my own solitude, but I’ve really embraced my own solitude. And while it’s nice to have people around and that’s the comfort of neighbours and close friends, it nice to be alone too. I’ve done a huge amount of DIY, I’ve lots of these Victorian doors, and after a while they have cracks in the paint and I have gone top to bottom across the whole four floors of the house to repair the doors. I’ve dug out all the old filler, and refilled and sanded, and painted. And I’m nearly at the bottom of the house now! I’ve also decorated my study, and done an awful lot of cleaning, I love cleaning. I mean I knew immediately what I would do and I have pretty much done those things.

So anyway Covid has rescued me from a ridiculous work amount of work. I kept saying yes to things that I really should have said no to. I did talk to Pen Green about that sometimes and they slowed down when giving me dates – I don’t want to say no because I want to work with them. But it was a lot of work. So Family Action now wants on-line training. I will be speaking to them soon about how I can do that. I have attended some things on-line on and so I will be working on that. I want it to be the best it can be. I will be inviting people to attend to some supervision training soon so I can become slick at this.  It would be free so it would be a “do you mind helping me to try dry run”. So this will be a big change for me, but it will give some time back.  Staff at Pen Green have already mentioned that I might be working on-line with students, so I’ll be getting myself clued up for doing that too. I have friends that are very good at it, and I will be drawing on their help to become skilled in this. I have no concerns at all about doing this.

So personally, I think what I said about knowing that I need to not over book is about getting a better work life balance, and this is a crazy thing to say 75! I live in a very nice place, I can access everywhere from here, as it’s on a main train line. But I just don’t want to do that anymore, so I’m hoping that the on-line will work. I think it will because it’s cheaper, and it’s good. I wouldn’t have even dreamed of on-line before.

The Adlerian Society were supposed to have conference before the UK lockdown, a college of mine was traveling from Israel to speak. As Israel had gone into lockdown before us she would have had to go into quarantine if she had come, and she just wouldn’t have been able to do that. So she did a webinar, and it was so slick! I just thought wow – it was great. I knew pretty much everyone there and was so surprised at how good it was and how intimate the break room rooms were, I think I was just blown away by how affective it was. I’m on a charity here in bath for children and young people and we have had trustee meetings on-line. I think they have been better, because I can guide them more tightly.  The Adlerian Society will have their AGM on-line now and I just know that will be really good too. I know these can be proper discussions and I just think that anything that lessons the hierarchy is good, these platforms offer that. They’re are people who dominate in a room, as some do need to think aloud, and there may still be an issue with that – but this platform is a leveller. Of course some people won’t want to speak, but they must be invited to. There are those that think aloud and those that don’t.  

I’ve continued to be a supervisor, so it’s been interesting to hear those stories, it has taken people a while to be accustomed to these times. I have done a lot of supervisions on-line and I know that can be fine. There’s not a problem with that medium. It’s been quite easy for me to pick up on the parallel processes in this way. But it’s not so easy with clients who are new to that, you do rely quite a lot on stuff that’s in the room. About 20 years or so ago, I began a phone support service for parents – we didn’t know much about it at the time but we thought we’d have a go. The local authority would for it and it was set up in way that counsellors would contact parents over the phone.  We did some really deep work. I couldn’t believe how powerful and deep that work was. It is very possible – the work ChildLine has shown that. It was like double the work in some ways.

I guess I would say about myself – I’ve had my days, nothing out the ordinary, ups and days are part of life and so I’ve taken pleasure the every day. I listen to the radio, I love radio dramas and so when doing all the painting jobs or cooking I’ve listened to the radio. I’m in my space, I’m breathing.